Why can't I see my future? Why can't I day dream like normal people? Why can't I imagine my sons getting married and giving me cute grandkids? Why can't I even see five years down the road, maybe a trip to Disney World? Elijah's first ride on his bike without training wheels? Asher finally getting taller than Elijah...Shiloh scolding her brothers for making a mess, her helping me get Thanksgiving dinner ready in our very own kitchen...
All that silly crap, in my head, but deep down, it's just not going to play out like that.
Or is it? I still have a faint, very faint, almost too faint to even be real, glimmer of a speck of hope that this can all be turned around. I have the utmost faith in God that He would just wipe all the nasty plans out and pour out the blessings on this nation again...God can turn on a dime, sure, but us? Would we change our ways so easily? Do we even think we need to change? God is saying, there is the hard way, and the harder way. You choose. I wish we would choose the hard way. But we're not. Is there time left to still go back and choose again? I don't know. Is it my job to tell people we need to go back and choose the other way, instead of full steam ahead into our complete and total crushing destruction- the only way God will get our full attention?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
I do know I want a future. I know I have one future, and maybe it's a sin that I hope for another, more immediate one. I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know.
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Sara,
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious from your postings that you have a deep love and faith in God. This is a wonderful thing but please take time to enjoy your children and dream of a wonderful future. I sense that you believe that the Bible is a direct roadmap written by God that will show the way to the end of times. Perhaps the Bible provides us a direction and it is up to each one of us to follow it as we choose.
I would suggest that you spend some time not just reading the words of the Bible but also of its history. An excellant book on the subject is 'Jesus Interrupted' by Bart D. Ehrman. This is good reading when approached with an open mind.
In any event - peace to you, enjoy the day, and dare to dream of a bright tomorrow!
I appreciate you took the time to read my brain vomit. I don't make it clear that the stuff I am writing about isn't necessarily me just spilling my guts and waxing philosophical about the Bible and Christ. I have read plenty of history books on the Bible, and yes, I believe that the Bible is a direct roadmap for everything, not just the "end of times."
ReplyDeleteWhat I write here, most of the time, if it is written like I have some kind of authority- it is what people have told me is prophecy. Not future-telling, but direct words of Truth from God, for the edification of the Body of Christ, His church. The gift of prophecy is a very complicated one for me to understand, even in the throes of it. The things God "gives" me to tell my church family, and all believers in Christ, it's not all rosy and happy and "we're all gonna be just peachy and holding hands" la la la stuff. If you've read any thing else on this blog, you'll see that the OT prophet Ezekiel is a lot like what I'm writing.
I don't claim to be speaking of the future- I have no idea what the future will be like, but I do know what God is prodding me to speak to my family in Christ- and it is indeed to prepare for something. I have my own sense of dread about such things, as is apparent above, but I also have a sense of peace and comfort that is from God. I go in cycles.
From what you have written, I would challenge you to think about your beliefs, and what you hold to be absolute. God is absolute and perfect, and as much as we would like to mold and make Him to fit our personal tastes, it does not work that way, and I'm very thankful for that. While Biblical history is interesting, it is helpful only as an empowerment to God's word. All I need is the Bible, I trust it and know what it is. If you have doubts about it, what are your beliefs built on? Personal tastes? The accumulation of knowledge? Or...faith?