And so,

It is interesting what brings on the urge to write here. It can be nothing- where I just sit down, check my email, and then find myself typing furiously away at something in this little rectangle. It can be other blogs I read, it can be news articles. It can be conversations with people, or conversations with my children (who are also people, just small, less eloquent people).

Nonetheless, here I am.

What a pickle we find ourselves in. Quite possibly the most difficult thing I've ever encountered in my spiritual life. Continuing this way is absolutely exhausting, because I feel I am being told to encourage people, when perhaps, I myself need a large dose of encouragment myself! We continue on this way, knowing very little about where we are headed, what we are going to do next, what great obstacle we are going to encounter next. It's like walking along a high, narrow, steep path in the shadow of a very dark cliff. And every so often, a large boulder comes rolling from the top of that cliff, and we have to maneuver ourselves so that 1)we don't get squashed by the boulder, 2) we don't lose our footing and fall from our narrow path, 3) We aren't shoving other people under the boulder or off the path so that WE ourselves can stay on it. Writing that, I would say that the word "pickle" isn't quite going to cut it. We are in a barrel of pickles.

Now, what we see as a pickle (barrel of) may very well be just the place God wants us. We are so desperately clinging to Him and His word- searching for our direction. Isn't that where He wants us? "I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth..."

Those words, while they are in the Bible, they are also in a song that often comes to my lips during this whole, "thing" we are doing. And by "thing" I mean movement in obedience. WE are simply obeying, one small, confused step at a time.

I realize existing like that- taking one small step and not even being sure of the step you are taking- that is very exhausting, stressful, and uncomfortable- who wants to be there? But it puts us in an interesting position...and I hesitate to say this, because I was feeling the same sort of thing when we talked about moving into the facility we are in now...and we know how that is ending up...but, I digress- being this way, uncomfortable, perhaps miserable- it allows us two things: 1) We can get the heck outta here and forget this. 2) We can seek out the comfort and stability we so greatly desire in Christ.

Choosing #2 is an ongoing, difficult thing to do. Its a choice we have to make deliberately! And it ain't easy the first time, the 50th time, the 1000th time you choose to take the path God is leading you onto. Ugh.

But back to the song I mentioned- Praise you in this Storm. What a storm...a pickle storm this is, eh? We have that choice in front of us now. If we choose #2, and fling ourselves upon the rock that is our Lord, seeking, searching, begging, pleading....then we must also Praise Him. For caring about us enough to deal with us and our whining (my whining), to be patient with us as we take two steps forward and then another one back.

Thank you, my beautiful, wonderful, compassionate Lord for being who You are, even as I become a very horrible version of myself. Thank you for your patience, thank you for your guidance- please help me see Your way clearly and lead my every single step!! God is good, and all the time, God is good.