Baptism

Baptism is a weird thing for me. I was baptized as a baby, so it was confusing to learn about it the "right way". After coming so far (in my own mind, anyway) to be baptized now seemed so weird and backwards. But I was being pushed, cajoled into it by my infinitely more wise Lord. We'll just chalk it up to "lean not on your own understanding."

I wasn't expecting something overwhelming. I wasn't looking for that, anyway. I just wanted to obey. My best guess as to what I was going to gain? Clarity. I held on to that word until the day before I was baptized.

After a long day (9-5, nearly!) watching the baptismal fill up ever so slowly, being amongst church family, I drove home and got lost. Of all the things- I knew where I was, but the road just turned out to be much longer and out of the way than I imagined. With the boys asleep in the back, I was singing and grooving much like I always do when driving (2 hands on the wheel at all times, I promise) and I just started to think about baptism. The whole grand picture. As I ran through my head and leaped from one conclusion to another, the Lord literally picked up the word "clarity" from within my head and tossed it out. I have an actual picture of Him just chucking it right out my ear. In it's place He put "new beginning".

Not really what I was expecting. New beginning? Another one? Didn't I just have one of those a little bit ago? Apparently, that was my new beginning- this one was our new beginning- The Lord and me. Ours. I don't know what that is supposed to mean. Well, maybe I do.

To some extent, I still live my own life. I do my best to trust God and allow Him to lead, but there are many places He gets shut out- mostly the places I think I need to suffer with. Those areas that I have such distaste for, that I allow myself to wallow in that disgust...to keep myself humble. At least that's my idea.

Well, He's storming those walls.

I couldn't hear anything or say anything or think anything the moment I came out of the water. For some odd reason I felt like running- really fast, just all over the place. I don't know why, maybe to fill my lungs, make my heart beat fast, to really notice that, like my Lord, I was alive. ALIVE.

Then, to see each one after me, take the breath...what can I say that hasn't been said? It was all new, exciting. I anticipated more after than I did before. This really does feel like a new beginning, as cliche and odd as that is for me.

I am alive, and as long as I am, I belong to Christ- more than ever. All eyes on Him, all the time. My heart beats faster just thinking of Him and who He is to me. All I want is to see Him glorified, see Him smile. Every second of my life, to the best that I am able to give each second- for Him.

Holy, Holy, Holy. My God, My King!



Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the girl that I saw, she wasn't at all who
I thought she'd be
I was lost when you found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then you came along and you sang your song over me
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life
Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time
I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I've never known
That I've never felt before
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
In my life