Diligent

This walk with You
Takes more than I have
So much to wade through
Your patience is a gift.

But could I fail?
And if I do, what then?
Do I wash away completely,
or do we begin again?

The lines in my forehead grow deeper
The rough skin on my hands
The scars along my arms
The tear stains across my cheeks
Signs of Your good work,
And my struggle against it.

What fills this heart,
What is Not of You
If shame had a face I would wear it.
Take me under, Father.
Under Your wings to hide and fight another day.
My broken heart yearns for rest-
A rest that does not exist here, in flesh.

For that day, Lord.
For that day I wait.


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Don't fall. Don't fall.
I am at a loss to feel this way.
Imaginary reaching
Eyes shut tight to keep the sight of you from burning
The sight of you from starting fires
Chaos under your thumb
Unaware
Blink and start over
Clear my throat
Take a deep breath
Surrender, obedient servant.
But creeping up slowly
to barely touch my heart
to barely scent my skin
to send a spark, then away, so fast.

I am still treading water
above a deep, dark crevasse.
So terrified of what is lurking,
but tired, tired of the churning,
ready for the black
ready for the black to swallow me up
and take me down
where everything will stop
and one moment will be forever.
A lie, but forever.
Everything will stop.