And then it rained.

There is a Truth that I think about more often than I don't think of it: God's strength is made perfect in weakness. What I wonder about is that word, weakness. What does that entail? How does it look in action? Weakness. I don't know if I have it down or not.

I do know that the more I break, the more I am utterly at a loss with myself, when I am so ridiculously pathetic in my own mind, suddenly I find myself shot out into some situation that requires me to be...not pathetic. And, by golly, the Spirit delivers through me. It's quite a miraculous thing to experience. But at the same time, it is odd to be in the midst of patheticism (I totally just made that word up, but it is a keeper.) and to find yourself doing something of God. There can't be anything more bizarre. To be utterly squashed in yourself, to be sickened, almost, with yourself and how (insert synonym for pathetic here) you are, and then to be quite literally catapulted into participating in something glorious.

What this says to me? Well, I wonder over it constantly. Why me, God? I am nothing special, nothing spectacular, and if ever I am, it is because of You, God. You are glorious, and I am barely a smouldering ash. You are Holy, and I am just shy of pure evil. How does this work, Lord? By mere fact of Your Being.

That is the bottom line. God is God. He is everything. Everything. We are smears on the pavement, yet because of His love, because of His Grace and Mercy, and pure awesomeness- He lifts us up to Him, lets us sizzle a bit in His Glorious Presence, and then sets us down again. He adores us and showers us with love, patience, mercy. This is God. Pure. God.

How could anyone not want to know Him? My heart, even though it breaks for it's pitiful, sinful self in the Light of His Glory, breaks even more for the people who don't seek Him. To know Him is to know just how depraved we really are, but to Know Him is to Know Love. We are nothing, nothing, nothing. But to Him and in Him, we are soooooo something.