Nothing is quite as exciting...

When I was a senior in high school, there was a few weeks where it seemed like happiness was right before my eyes, in my ears, and in my soul. Sadly, I am talking about the few weeks where I purchased the newest Spice Girls album (the putrid Spice World that spawned a hilariously bad movie). How could such a silly pop culture relic bring me the illusion of pure joy?

That is a question I ask myself often. How have I gone from being enthralled with certain things- a new cd that I can play over and over and sing to and brood over, a movie that can wrench my guts out and bring me to an emotional apex that nothing in my actual life has ever really brought me to...a book that leaves me clutching it to my heart minutes after reading the last page, just swooning with glee. That doesn't happen anymore. I'm a grown up now.

But wait. I'm lying. It does happen. It just doesn't happen with those "things" anymore. Sure, a good movie will lift me up into some netherworld of brief emotional ecstasy, a good book will have me blubbering it's praises to my half-asleep husband...but to the extent that the teenage me was so utterly lost in all that stuff? No.

My life has caught up with my ideas of life. I am finally in a zone where the ebb and flow of my very own existence causes me to wreak with passion and fervor. How have I gotten here? God Almighty. And I mean that in all seriousness, not as a simple interjection.

Where a beautiful song once flew me high as a kite, only singing the praises of my God will do that now. A movie that once taught me how love could feel is now a pale reflection of the love that is within God. A book will never read me like the Bible.

Never in those moments as a teenager would I have considered this a possibility. God? Yuck. I'll pass. ....Look at me now. Obsessed with Jesus instead of the Spice Girls or Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman or any of the other odd things I adored. Weird. Does everyone get to experience this? A shedding of the world and a clinging to Christ in all ways, for all needs and desires? Bizarre. I think about this a lot. Thus it appearing on this worthless blog that serves me and only me. Thinking out loud onto my computer screen. This is way better than psychotherapy!!