Some days I find myself obsessing over my life. My actions, my lack of actions, my treading water. I think I've written a few other times that I feel like I am screaming for God to take over- rend control of this ridiculous person from my sad, sorry hands. Begging for that, pleading for that. In all of that obsessing, I've found myself reaching for the Spirit and any little nugget of information I can get about Him. The Spirit is my helpful friend, my way out of this entrapment.
So, now instead of begging and pleading God to take my life from my hands, I'm begging the Spirit. Sometimes I think He's there, and other times, I think as much as I want Him to be there, I've pushed him away.
I am my own worst enemy. I think too much, I over-complicate EVERYTHING, and I involuntarily fight against everything that I know to be True. I know the TRUTH, so why can't I get my act together? Why can't my heart sync up with my head??
Spirit, you are the key to all of this. You consume me, and I can do the work that God has prepared in advance for me to do. I want to cease to exist in any form of my own, I want to be what you make of me, Spirit, and nothing more. Stomp me into the ground. There is nothing worth salvaging. Make me entirely new and entirely surrendered to You, Lord. This is what I pray and plead, every day, every moment. Shatter me.
Am I crazy for wanting that? I know the Truth, but the pride within me still wants to throw a few punches. Spirit, that's where you come in!!! Sanctify me!
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