A big one

(written as I would like to speak it to my church...)

Recently I asked for some feedback about the future of FCC, and I did receive quite a lot. So, first, thank you for your honesty and for sharing your thoughts with me.

I would now like to share my thoughts with you, primarily the reasons I believe that I need to be speaking to you in this way, why God has empowered me to speak to you, etc.

I think it is about 2 years ago, maybe more, when I was overwhelmed by a desire to be telling, speaking things to this congregation. The fact that I was so overwhelmed- I mean, I would literally cry because I had this need to speak to all of you- a need that I would try to stuff down into my gut, thinking I was just needing some kind of weird attention- which is odd, because I would so much rather sit way in the back of the room and be totally, completely ignored. Amongst introverts, I am an introvert. SEriously. This is on an entire other planet away from my comfort zone, which is why I write this all out first- writing is easy, it's just me and the keyboard. Speaking in front of people- particularly people I love and care about? Very difficult.

So, anyway- this feeling, this need to speak to you, I finally expressed it to pb, and we soon came to this whole prophet conclusion. I would not say I was excited by that revelation. But I can't deny it, either.

So, I sucked it up, and decided to explore this whole prophet thing, try to discern exactly what God wanted from me- what my marching orders were, so to speak.

The discovery of my prophetness coincided, interestingly enough, with other "revelations", I'll call them. I started to see and read things about us, this nation, this world. I am the type of person that will read something and search for a grain of truth, and then take that grain and see if I can find absolute truth somewhere around it. So, I literally stumbled upon some troubling stuff, and I did my best to figure out if it was just paranoid silly stuff, or if there was something there.

I apologize for being vague with that stuff, but I'm not ready to spill the beans, so to speak, on specifics- I don't really know specifics, honestly, all I know is that God says we need to be holding on to Him very tightly in the months to come. However spiritual and "close" to God you are- up that by a million % or more. I've said all of this stuff to you before. No more supplemental Christianity. God must be our WHOLE LIFE.

About the time I started hearing/seeing all that stuff, I prayed earnestly to God- What is this? Why do I need to know all this stuff, what is the point of this? The Lord lead me (seriously lead me- I opened the Bible right to the page, my eyes went right to the passage.) to a rather frightening (for myself) verse in Ezekiel. If you have your Bible, go with me to Ezekiel 33. (I'll read it now...)

Now, here the Lord is telling Ezekiel, I've made you a watchman. Has God made me a watchman too? I don't like that idea, no no I do NOT- but I can't get away from it. I've tried. I've looked for any way to get away from it, I'll even listen to your ideas on how I can change what this is saying to me- but God is moving me forward with it, regardless.

So, I go back to the message for us- for this congregation. We are going to go through some rough times- we already have! Spiritually, this has been a rollercoaster ride, for sure! But God is checking us out! Who is going to give themselves, totally, completely over to Him and the Spirit? No matter the discomfort? No matter the sacrifice? Who?

The way we have been conducting worship is different. But I believe God is doing it for a reason. We didn't just decide to change things up for fun- because this isn't fun- not for me, anyway! We have studied the scripture on this (1Corr 14) and have made the decision to be obedient to what the Word describes, as best as we can, and as we learn and grow from our obedience - and we have been BLESSED by it. Raise your hand if you have felt blessed by ANY time of worship since we have been doing things differently- the day we didn't plan any music, and we just picked songs randomly? Any time anyone else has spoken? When Leon spoke, when anyone else spoke? The way we have been praying? Have you felt blessed by any part of this?

As I have said- I've got stuff to say. It's not my stuff. It's the Lord's. The fact that we have opened our worship up like this...coincidence? Probably not. In fact, if we didn't do worship this way, it would give me a fantastic excuse NOT to ever have to get up here!! It's stressful enough doing the worship thing over there! Seriously!

But I have been blessed. I cannot deny that. I feel like I have been not walking, but LEAPING in the direction of the Lord- growing, learning, worshipping in a very real way.

If we stop this- it would have to be a decision we all come to- then I'm afraid I will not be able to fulfill my Watchman duty. This nation is in very grave danger- very REAL danger, that goes beyond democrat/republican/government/constitution stuff. Some of it is scary, but as I see where God is going with all of this- I am not fearful. God says, Do not fear for I am with you. Do not despair, for I am your God.

The reality of God must sink in for us. Many areas of life- God just isn't there for some of us. I can thnk of the areas I've conveniently left Him out. I want Him to be there. I believe if we continue with this tough obedience to the Word- we will all experience God as He wants us to experience Him- that goes beyond simple Sunday worship, beyond sitting in seats and listening to sermons, beyond these doors. God is going to get into every nook and cranny. For OUR sakes. It might be uncomfortable for a while- just like I've said many times, this church was very uncomfortable for me when I first started coming- but I stuck it out because I knew it was SOMETHING. And this is SOMETHING, folks. As awkward as it can be sometimes- it is definitely SOMETHING- the Spirit is abounding.

There is no such thing as Extreme when it comes to God. The reason other Christians would call this extreme? It makes them uncomfortable because they start to examine their relationship with God and whether or not it's enough. "Enough". Ha ha. If God isn't EVERYTHING, then it's not ENOUGH!!!!!

Honestly- where do you say, "That's too far..." when it comes to your relationship with God? Because He goes right ahead and tells us-
1)if your love for Christ doesn't make your love for everybody else looke like HATE, then its not enough. (Mat 10:37)
2)If you love your way of life more than the life you will experience (taking up YOUR cross) if you truly follow Christ, then its not enough. (Mat 10:38)
3)If you value your own life more than loving the Lord, then its not enough. (Mat 10:39)

This is tough stuff. But its in the Word, right there. That's what it says- no whitewash, no sugar coating.

So, let's do it. Praise GOD He has put us together in a Body- right? I cannot think of ANY other group of people I would rather trudge through all of this with. Honestly. I adore you all...my mom even scolded me for caring so much this past week or two, because I was so stressed out that I had, and still have, severe back pain, headaches, and wicked heart burn. But I guess that's just part of taking up my cross, right? LOL.

I will now lie and tell you, I look forward to the next time the Lord will have me speaking to you.